a cynist? pft.

So, my pastor made me realise why I don’t want to marry. I know I’m only 18 so I shouldn’t be thinking about marraige per se, but every young person wonders about it asit’s likely to be part of our future. Anyway so I realised it’s because I’m a perfectionist. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, it means I wish to be, which would inevitably lead to depression because being perfect is impossible! knowing that someday some guy I’ve met will dive into my life, and conform it for his comfort freaks me out. All the ways I’ve been used to would have to change. All that I dream and know would be changed to suit him. My so called ‘perfect’ ways of doing things would be in a sense distorted for the sake of a man I’ve only known for a little while. But marraige isn’t about who sleeps with the light on and who doesn’t, or who blasts music in the shower whilst the other whispers doing chores, it is about the unity of two becoming one through love. Love never holds back, and love never holds on to negativity. It provides freedom in peace, to the extent that it would almost seem like childlike trust and foolish generosity. So someday I may marry, maybe I won’t. But if the time should come, I won’t let my fears of someone taking over my finances get in the way of life-long joy. I will let love take control. Spoken like a true cynist eh?! I don’t think I can call myself that anymore haha. Much love, Aisha Brown. X